I regret constantly humiliating my husband to let him know, that nothing he could ever do, or ever say was anything but wrong, but my exponential repentance comes from replacing him with our son, to live all the ways marriage can triangle love, like only luscious lovers can love. I killed my husband with continual contempt, the way a buzzard plucks the eyes first, right out of an undead human skull, so that he would never see anything outside was ever, but reflections of his own growing self disdain.
I had become the same hole in the ground, that we both were buried grinding in, and surely he must have known all the ways I never expressed, and that I never honestly was able to ever reveal to him. The part of me, that acted out from his part of the man, that I had previously forgotten that I was before, came back to be the woman again, to suffer what happens when marriage turns into a really toxic human fracking.
I owned my wife before, without let up, until she froze alone in our glacial marriage, but cheating on her after having kids, almost thawed out her kid-homocide/self-suicide revenge, from such loneliness, that pure despair would only compare. I needed to get even with him, so it seemed the right thing to do to pick on him, isolate him, pluck the eyes off him, and leave him strung on the line between kid-homicide/self suicide, just like he did to me when he owned me without ever listening, nor any possible human jubilee.
Now I have come back in the body of a little boy to suffer sexual awareness, even before my mind knew what the Hell can happen, instead of the rest of life more as a miniature sick little man. As I grew from such toxic sorrow, in the kind of Karma that becomes inclusive of many life times of gender bigotry without compassion, I became the husband of my wife that had become, as much like a buzzard blinding me, also as a self disdained man, before. Even though it is painful to repent about sex with my previous little man before, nothing can compare to the twisted-gone-viral suffering from experiencing toxic shame as that little boy in me, that has almost gone blind again living with my mother before, just like my mother once again this crazy Karmic replication.
So let’s see, says the blind man… I am that woman full of regret, and even more repentance for using my son as a replacement husband; I am that man, that had owned his hole in the ground that almost buried the both of us, before; I am the son that came back from being an evil mother, with a mother just like I was before; I am the wife that plucked eyes right out like a Buzzard; I am the son of an undead father, that also died from constant contempt from my mother; I am the future little girl, that will come back and become sexually abused again, much like I did this time as a blown fused mother’s little man.
We all imagine our own definition of Love just like we all have our adult version of love triangles, but it would seem to me today, that every single child that appears in our whole human family, supplies a love triangle part of generations of human vengeance living half-life after half-life after nuclear atomic envy, blows up families into narcissistic engendered generations just becoming half-human gender ‘despairs’. I am my mother; I am my father; I am a woman; I am a man; I am from sex, I am from ‘despairs’, and I am what I am’s, without any regard for all the other lives that ‘over soul’ my total regrets, and repentances for continual contempt, and for undead vulture plucking blind double vengeance.
Fracking makes a lot of money for the Dark elite, but it sure becomes a generational burden on our whole human family environment. Now imagine if we all began to enjoy free energy, like the Tesla model, and still never forgave any generation of plucker/lone-lies, then wouldn’t all the free energy of the World just became used up again, just like sons and daughters of physically engendered xenophobes? Free energy is for fully conscious light beings to shine, not pluck, to enlighten compassion, not co-create more karmic hate. We watch fracking and complain, but we remain unaware of living like ‘fracking' humans that we, ourselves, co-create, and then blame the oil companies just like we blame each other for doing what we’ve all done already, before.
About the Author
I “Love” to Admit it 11/22/16
I “Love" to admit it, but I have been captivated by the constant Blackmail battering of this Child-sacrificing malevolent World, so that I ‘want’ to surrender to Holy Spirit, by turning within, as a new humble priority. Sex-slavery robbed me of my soul, as a child, yet once I realized everything difficult, that happens enhances my devotion to turn even, more within ONENESS Spirit Conscience forgiveness nurturing, instead.
I fought like Hell to work, very hard for Money to, barely survive, but after a few years of meditation, and forgiveness prayers to Holy Spirit, to do the difficult forgiveness of others, as myself, more money came to me from Spirit, right through other benevolent Sources, than I ever, even knew about, before surrender. I “Love” to admit that Money doesn’t come from hard work, or social-norm Blackmail, but comes from Source, just like everything else, we need to ‘thrive’, instead of, ‘barely survive’ in addiction to this Child-sacrificing malevolent World.
After losing connection to my, own Conscience, I have become a kinder feeling empath, and a constant seeming mistaken threat to others suffering, just like me, before I sat down, closed my eyes, and meditated my suffering ass off. Like kindness comes from within Spirit devotion, so too, does being able to feel again, without letting those ephemeral duties control my reactive behaviors any more. Money, kindness, and feelings come from turning within, to ask for help to forgive all my captors that, still suffer much tortuous regret for forcing me, to do things out of fear, that no Child would, ordinarily want to do.
After annihilation traumas of the lower fourth dimensional ‘murky unkind’, everything outside triggered my reaction to live in the past swamp, ‘as if’, so, as I became more addicted to the outside Illusion of, more fear piled up onto, more traumas, I “Love” to admit that, with a gift of desperation, I became a, very willing candidate to surrender to something else, besides this unholy smelling foul-World of sulfur-predator crap. Now I see, all suffering evidence, as a gift from ONENESS to have compassion, and Mercy for, all who, still haven’t turned within to receive Money out of nowhere, and become a kinder feeling person, instead.
I am more sensitive to Blackmail than I have, ever realized, and even that’s a gift now, because I used to blame myself, ‘as if’, all evil was my fault, but NOTHING can, ever be further from the Truth. I was a beautiful innocent Child, and I, still am, inside, no matter what I used to think, and no matter what constant Blackmail, still wants to make me feel that lost-soul way. Blackmail is a constant battering here in Karmic Hologram miming-mirror Earth Paradigm, and who knew; before I turned within, where enlightening compassion makes me feel like a ‘kind kid’ with pocket treasures full of Sparkling Golden innocent-kaleidoscope perceptions again?
When I surrendered to Holy Spirit, Money was the furthest thing from my new mind of Delight, and I, certainly was convinced, that I would, never become a kinder feeling empath, ever again. Getting old had become a ‘given’, but turning within has made, even gettin-gold a ‘variable’ out of my getting younger now, every time Holy Spirit welcomes me inside, where eternal youth commands, all kinder feeling empathic Mountain Top kindergarteners.
Money, Holy Spirit, my soul, kinder feeling empath, forgiveness, my Conscience, compassion, Mercy, my Inner Child Spirit, eternal youth, the willingness to face outside Blackmail with a new motive to serve, with the, very “Love” that I have to admit, all these Wonderful gifts from within nurturing, that replaces any more outside need for what, best can be defined as needy-ransom soul-selling Blackmail=Burnout.
Inner-Child Spirit Safe-Home, within
author Pine Cone
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