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Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Holy Spirituality with Pin Cone: More Grace Revealed

Tears Kind Relief

It seems by forgiving continually, that a new dream memory of how it feels to invest, even a little bit in Mortal Money motives involves my looking, even deeper within my Mortal fears that had forsaken my devotion to Immortal Love, instead. Intuitions arrived to buy in, but the same intuition wasn’t about Ascension, as much as it was to help me let go of old Karmic memories so I would be, more free to admit how gender death of Love is Mortal visible proof.

I was, so frightened bouncing back and forth from one complicit family monster to the other two at the same time, so viciously ridiculing my helpless pleas for any Mercy. They all knew I was, already dead meat to them, but I never knew! They let me know in no uncertain desperate ways, that if the others witnessed any helping collaboration with me, that they, also would become as label-dead as me.

It was my fault my Mother had another’s child, outside the family. It was my fault that I didn’t die easy, and then came back from the dead as if I came back with an army of my personal Angel body guards to shine, too much light on their vampire nest. No one dared to speak to me, and worse, no one dared to get caught speaking to me, and that was worse than not getting my share of the left over food, unless I stopped fighting during rape, as a reward in the form of not turning me in when I had to steal food to keep myself alive.

I should have realized they weren’t just kidding around, when I begged for two whole bags of doughnut money-hungry-guts, late on a Saturday evening from the local bakery, that were going to be thrown away to begin anew fresh baked-more early Monday. I had heard their shame-fighting over no food left for ‘them’ to eat, so when I knocked on the door with my toe-tapping around, and the door opened drunk, as rage-usual, it took me, totally by surprise when they threw me upside down in the trash out in the shed with all the rats.

After their shame made them toss all the doughnuts on top of my body upside down in the trash, they kicked me-in-the-can off the stoop, and reminded me not to say one word with a three foot hardwood ball-beating Patsy-stick reminder. Believe me, or not, even though it was Winter, and I had not eaten for twenty four hours, the rats and I ate together in the hugest relief, that we were locked outside, but it seemed better to us, as they had locked themselves inside, far away from our late night double-hag bag feast-share.

Outside with the rats I got to eat my fair share, finally, and like a dog stops pretending to like us when we run out of biscuits, the rats let me sleep, and stopped pretending I was their human food Pet-frienenemy too. It was my fault they didn’t want to hear anything I said, and it was my fault no one dared to listen, so Mortal-censure took on a whole new meaning for me, and mean means a mean-spirited sacrifice-ridicule, as if I was, already dead in their mean-mind mock-shock laugh-meaning.

Shame shame shame on them for not killing me quicker, and shame shame shame on me for pretending after, it was Ok Ok Ok rat food-sex sugar. My angels remind me now how much Love comes with the death of Mortals, and I haven’t, even remembered what this new dream is telling me yet. All I know so far, is that beating me to death, and starving me for sex, is nothing compared to avoiding me-shunned in ridicule, as if I was their ticket to a censure-death like mine.

Was I the one someone had to kill to get another rat to squeal on each other for something, only reptilians are capable of, or is death of Love visible proof of Mortal-gender motives? I had no sexual-prowess over my Angels, but they never fed me a line of scraps, either. I never went hungry for Love with these Immortals, and they waited till last night to let me in on all Love’s Ascension secrets. I am a Mortal loveless Karmic repeating child of Mortal love-less impossible Karmic stuttering parent repeats, and the more I repent my Mortality, the more Angels can speak to me about my death of love visible Mortal-gender proof, without melting like the rat-spit drool-did on my share of Mortal dough-sex money-nuts.

Before I waked up from the dream about this Mortal-dream of rat batshit crazy family, I was sure I had said, too much already on Intel free-speech, again, and they were coming for me, but No No No my terror was about Mortal-censure, so necessary to keep repeating undead-loveless Karma-gender death-drama scream-alive, and tick tock kicking. Shunning hurts worse than playing a luscious lover Love-child in Parent/Child Triangulation rat-bastard shed anomalies. Shunning ridicule for complaining on death row hurts worse than watching them bury my dog in ‘my’ (“your next” threat) baby blue blanket. Laughing at me for trying, so hard to get them to Love me hurts worse, than coming back into a Love-dead body 40 times.

Under all I have repented before now, Holy Spirit dreams show me how Immortal Love doesn’t feel, when all this left-over Mortal stuff keeps avoiding my need to Love-remember. God loves us so much, that through it all, Angels never leave us alone, and Love has nothing to do with visible Mortal death of the dying rat-bastards, buried right out in front of we, shed-cold money-nuts. Death of Mortal-love is, so sex-visible; Mortals speak Love-death volumes; Mortal gender repeats Physical-death habits; Mortal ridicule hurts worse if you can dig it; they killed my dog, for Christ’s sake!!! O M GMO G, we censured Christ for rat-love doughnut hole’s Mortal-sake!!!

I know you are, but what am I?
I’m rubber-mirror glue-ridicule

About the Author


I “Love” to Admit it 11/22/16

I “Love" to admit it, but I have been captivated by the constant Blackmail battering of this Child-sacrificing malevolent World, so that I ‘want’ to surrender to Holy Spirit, by turning within, as a new humble priority. Sex-slavery robbed me of my soul, as a child, yet once I realized everything difficult, that happens enhances my devotion to turn even, more within ONENESS Spirit Conscience forgiveness nurturing, instead.

I fought like Hell to work, very hard for Money to, barely survive, but after a few years of meditation, and forgiveness prayers to Holy Spirit, to do the difficult forgiveness of others, as myself, more money came to me from Spirit, right through other benevolent Sources, than I ever, even knew about, before surrender. I “Love” to admit that Money doesn’t come from hard work, or social-norm Blackmail, but comes from Source, just like everything else, we need to ‘thrive’, instead of, ‘barely survive’ in addiction to this Child-sacrificing malevolent World.

After losing connection to my, own Conscience, I have become a kinder feeling empath, and a constant seeming mistaken threat to others suffering, just like me, before I sat down, closed my eyes, and meditated my suffering ass off. Like kindness comes from within Spirit devotion, so too, does being able to feel again, without letting those ephemeral duties control my reactive behaviors any more. Money, kindness, and feelings come from turning within, to ask for help to forgive all my captors that, still suffer much tortuous regret for forcing me, to do things out of fear, that no Child would, ordinarily want to do.

After annihilation traumas of the lower fourth dimensional ‘murky unkind’, everything outside triggered my reaction to live in the past swamp, ‘as if’, so, as I became more addicted to the outside Illusion of, more fear piled up onto, more traumas, I “Love” to admit that, with a gift of desperation, I became a, very willing candidate to surrender to something else, besides this unholy smelling foul-World of sulfur-predator crap. Now I see, all suffering evidence, as a gift from ONENESS to have compassion, and Mercy for, all who, still haven’t turned within to receive Money out of nowhere, and become a kinder feeling person, instead.

I am more sensitive to Blackmail than I have, ever realized, and even that’s a gift now, because I used to blame myself, ‘as if’, all evil was my fault, but NOTHING can, ever be further from the Truth. I was a beautiful innocent Child, and I, still am, inside, no matter what I used to think, and no matter what constant Blackmail, still wants to make me feel that lost-soul way. Blackmail is a constant battering here in Karmic Hologram miming-mirror Earth Paradigm, and who knew; before I turned within, where enlightening compassion makes me feel like a ‘kind kid’ with pocket treasures full of Sparkling Golden innocent-kaleidoscope perceptions again?

When I surrendered to Holy Spirit, Money was the furthest thing from my new mind of Delight, and I, certainly was convinced, that I would, never become a kinder feeling empath, ever again. Getting old had become a ‘given’, but turning within has made, even gettin-gold a ‘variable’ out of my getting younger now, every time Holy Spirit welcomes me inside, where eternal youth commands, all kinder feeling empathic Mountain Top kindergarteners.

Money, Holy Spirit, my soul, kinder feeling empath, forgiveness, my Conscience, compassion, Mercy, my Inner Child Spirit, eternal youth, the willingness to face outside Blackmail with a new motive to serve, with the, very “Love” that I have to admit, all these Wonderful gifts from within nurturing, that replaces any more outside need for what, best can be defined as needy-ransom soul-selling Blackmail=Burnout.

Inner-Child Spirit Safe-Home, within

author Pine Cone

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